Deep Rush Thoughts

From: chuck@rave.net (CHUCK WOLFF)
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 15:08:05 -0400
Subject: Deep RUSH thoughts...

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here & try to post something humorous. Y'know those cool little pieces they put on SNL called Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey? Well I thought of some Deep RUSH Thoughts & I thought I'd share 'em with y'all. These are meant to be funny in a "twisted" way--If I can help just 1 TNMS'er put a smile on their face then it'll be worth it. Feel free to contribute!

I found the Deep Rush Thoughts to be very amusing, and have picked my favorite 25 for inclusion onto this page. You can also read an archive of all the Deep Rush Thoughts (413!).

If you have more, feel free to post them to the TNMS or just add your own. Let me know what you think. Here goes!

I think if Beethoven were alive today, he would really love Rush's music. That is, if he could hear it.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

The middle-aged Madonna calls her neighbor on the phone. Her neighbor hangs up on her because that "Sex" book she posed for in the '90s was really tasteless.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

I see red, it hurts my head. The red is the blood dripping from the gaping wound on my brow. I just can't understand why seeing it is making my head hurt so much.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

If Neil Peart were a subscriber to the NMS, I bet nobody would believe it was him. They'd be like, "Whatever, 'Neil,' why don't you AOL people go back to the chat rooms where you belong." He'd be bitter and he'd probably start telling us to get a life, and things would just get really ugly.
---Anonymous

I think a good practical joke for the boys to play would be if they tell John Rutsey that Neil really does have cancer, and they need him to tour with them. After he learns all of the songs, they could tell him the tour buss leaves at 10:00, but leave at 9:30 without him.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

So there I was, surrounded by thousands of screaming Rush fans, wondering to myself when this loud rock band would lave the stage so I can hear what he has to say about Newt Gingrich.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

I wish Geddy Lee was my dad. Then when other kids say "My dad can kick your dad's ass," I could come back with, "Yeah, but MY dad plays kick-ass bass!"
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

I discovered something that's really amazing. If you stare real, real hard at the 2112 CD cover for about 20 minutes without blinking, your eyes go blurry and start to sting. I bet the priests are responsible for that.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

Sometimes I think I am listening to Rush, and jamming along. But then I realize it is only in my head. Then I realize it must not be just in my head because people are yelling at me to "SHUT UP!"
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

If I ever meet Geddy, Alex or Neil, I want to make a good impression, so I practice what I am going to say. I'll be so nervous that I will probably only be able to drool and make gurgling noises. So I practice drooling, and making gurgling noises.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

The next time By-Tor comes across that Snow Dog, if he wants to win he should leave his sword at home, and bring a super-powered electrical heater instead. Then he could just turn it on, and watch that dog melt away. Of course, finding a long enough extension cord could be a problem.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

If Rush ever decides to add a 4th member to their band, it would probably be best if he didn't play an instrument. Or sing. Maybe he could just bring the guys water when they're thirsty.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

How your life goes must depend on the ethnic background of Lady Luck. If she's white, and that's the way she dances... Oh boy. Bad life.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you..." Gee. Somebody should tell Tom about weed! It would be too hard for him to fit me in his bong.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

It's a good thing Rush decided to use an "R" as the first letter in the name of their band. Otherwise they might have been called "Bush" or "Lush" and those bands suck.
---Ruth Goodman (Ruth_Goodman@mail.dailey.com)

I feel sorry for the poor girl in the "Time Stands Still" video. She was trying so hard to film the boys and they just wouldn't let her. When she showed her boss the tape, she probably got fired. It probably ruined her career.
---Donald Dintaman (Donald.Dintaman@nmb.norwest.com)

It's no wonder the man on the inside of HYF is juggling those balls. You can only hold onto a flaming sphere for so long...
---Chuck Wolff (chuck@rave.net)

After reading Shakespeare's "All the world is a stage" line, I was amazed at his genius. Not only could he write classics of literature, he could build a time machine and buy Rush albums.
---Anonymous

Does anyone have a spare copy of "Hemispheres"? Because on mine they forgot to sing on La Villa Strangiato.
---Chris Lundquist (cs_lundquist@ccmail.pnl.gov)

If the Analog Kid and Digital Man were to have a fight, Digital Man would definitely win. I mean, duh, he's Digital.
---Anonymous

If the rides really were laughing at Lakeside Park, perhaps Neil really ought to quit smoking that stuff.
---Galen (elmolego@ix.netcom.com)

I bet there's a plastic surgeon in Toronto who's laughing his head off every time he remembers the Yiddish kid with the funny name who actually believed that crap he told him about "the bigger your nose is, the better you'll sing".
---David Malan (David_Malan_at_STRM__Provo1@stream.com)

When Rush listens to "The Spirit of Radio," I bet they all air-drum the beginning part. Then their wives just look at them and shake their heads and laugh. Except for Neil's wife, because he's pretty good.
---Chris Lundquist (cs_lundquist@ccmail.pnl.gov)

I once made a tape that contained 90 minutes of "Didacts and Narpets" played backwards at various speeds. Boy, those folks at the church picnic sure were close-minded when it came to music!
---Mike Sweger (MSweger999@aol.com)

"I USED TO PLAY IN RUSH!" screams the mad man. Sure you did Mr. Rutsey, sure you did.
---Richard Medos (rmedos@icis.on.ca)

View all 413 of the Deep Rush Thoughts, or add your own!

Copyright 1996-1999, Ryan A. Park.